| BRIEF PROFILE | ||
| Version 1 - Draft Version | Version 2 - Corrected Version | Comments/ Types of Errors |
| My name is Kruti Sanjeev and I am from Gurgaon, India. |
My name is Kruti and I am from Gurgaon, India | |
| At school, I am studying in the IGCSE curriculum at Heritage Xperiential Learning School. | (Highlighted part deleted and replaced with “Currently”) Currently, I am studying in the IGCSE curriculum at Heritage Xperiential Learning School. |
Repetition of idea in same sentence Improvement in syntax |
| I’m pursuing two languages - English and French. | (School…) and I am pursuing two languages - English and French. | No need for separate sentence (can be merged with previous one) Improvement in sentence structure |
| I am fluent in English and am working to improve my skills in French. | I am fluent in English and am working to improve my skills in French |
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| I am also preparing to give the DELF B1 examination next year, since I couldn’t participate this year. |
(Highlighted part deleted) I am also preparing to give the DELF B1 examination next year. |
Unnecessary explanation; not needed |
| Ever since I was six-years-old, I have been interested in languages. |
Languages have fascinated me since a very young age and I enjoy writing, reading and writing in English, mostly, but I do so in French, too, occasionally. Moreover, listening to music and dancing are other things I love because of their innate ability to help express one’s feelings and connect people, traits they share with languages, and reasons why I am interested in all. (Highlighted part deleted) |
No need for so many sentences Improvement in syntax and sentence structure Highlighted part not needed |
| I love writing, reading and speaking. |
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| Although I mostly write in English, I also enjoy doing so in French. |
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| Additionally, I also love hearing others talk and express their opinions in whichever language. |
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| One of the reasons behind this is music. |
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| Listening to music is one of my hobbies, along with writing, reading and dancing. |
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| All these hobbies help express one’s feelings and thoughts, while connecting with people. |
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| This is something that language also does and it is the reason why I am fascinated with it. |
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| Another subject I learn at school is Global Perspectives, which helps me understand the world on a wider scale and opens my eyes to different cultures. |
Another subject I learn at school is Global Perspectives which helps me understand the world on a wider scale and opens my eyes to different cultures. | No comma needed after “Perspectives” and before “which” |
| Learning about new cultures, so unlike my own, is a great experience. |
Learning about new cultures, so unlike my own, is a great experience. | |
| Furthermore, since I’m also learning Development Studies, I have learnt about few aspects of the entrepreneurial and social development of projects and industries but I wish to know more. | (Highlighted word deleted) Furthermore, since I’m learning Development Studies, I have learnt about few aspects of the entrepreneurial and social development of projects and industries but I wish to know more. |
Highlighted word not needed; repetition of the idea of “furthermore” |
| I am also interested to learn more languages such as German and Spanish. | I am also interested to learn more languages such as German and Spanish. | |
Error Analysis
Total Number of Source Text - 242
Total Number of Targeted Text - 202
Errors related to article - 0
Errors related to punctuation, symbols, sign, spaces - 4
Omissions - 3
Spelling Errors - 0
Choice of Words - 3
Factual Errors - 0
Choice of words and overall consistency of those words - 1
An eye for detail - Enough attention was given to details and ideas were expressed clearly.
Page layout and overall presentation - Not applicable here
Additional Comments (if any) - All ideas were well-expressed but were supported by too many unnecessary explanations or examples. Also, sentences could be framed in such a way that not many sentences are needed so that word limit is not exceeded.
Time taken to correct words - 20 minutes
Time taken to prepare this evaluation report - 27 minutes
| CAREER GOALS | ||
| Version 1 - Draft Version | Version 2 - Corrected Version | Comments/ Types of Errors |
| From as long as I remember, I have always been most interested in learning languages and have shown the greatest inclination in those subjects that help enhance my writing, reading and speaking skills. |
Ever since I can remember, languages have interested me the most and I have shown the greatest inclination towards subjects that help enhance my writing, reading and speaking skills. | Use of vocabulary can be enhanced Improvement in language |
| I love understanding new cultures and languages give me an opportunity to do so. |
I love understanding new cultures and languages give me an opportunity to do so. |
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| Furthermore, travelling the world and sharing my ideas while learning those of others has always been my dream. |
Furthermore, travelling the world and sharing my ideas while learning those of others has always interested me. |
Improvement in language and use of words to improve clarity of statement |
| Thus, languages have been part of my goal from the beginning. |
Deleted | Not needed |
| Ever since I was a child, I always wanted to grow up and become a writer. |
Deleted |
Gives a background for coming statements but is unnecessary if other statements are better expressed |
| As I grew up, that dream evolved but didn’t change completely. |
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| After coming to the ninth grade, I have realized that I want to do something in journalism. |
Recently, I have realized that I wish to pursue journalism as a career as it would allow me to enjoy two of my passions that are writing and exploring different cultures. (Highlighted part deleted) |
Ideas have been distributed in separate sentences however, the breaks between them causes confusion Repetition of idea (passion for writing”) has been done from first sentence Improvement in syntax and sentence structure has been done Highlighted part not needed |
| Writing has always been my passion and so is exploring different cultures. |
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| With journalism, I would be able to enjoy both my passions and also get to travel all around the world. |
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| Therefore, learning different languages and being able to interpret the ones I don’t know are skills I wish to learn in the future. |
In the future, I am planning to learn more languages, enhance my skills on interpreting others and to pursue courses in journalism while also learning other entrepreneurial skills so that I can succeed professionally. |
Sentences have been merged since both are parts of the same idea and so that repetition is avoided Vocabulary has been enhanced |
| In the future, I am going to pursue courses in journalism and also learn new languages however, I understand that, along with being well-versed in different languages, one also needs to learn other entrepreneurial skills to be able to be successful professionally. |
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| Similarly, I feel that by participating in the internship program of Modlingua I will be able to develop these skills and use them to support my language skills, under the influence of senior trainers. | Therefore, I feel that by participating in the internship program of Modlingua, I will be able to develop these skills, under the influence of senior trainers. (Highlighted part has been deleted) |
Highlighted part is not needed as above statements have been changed There should be a comma after “Modlingua” and before “I” |
Error Analysis
Total Number of Source Text - 251
Total Number of Targeted Text - 151
Errors related to article - 0
Errors related to punctuation, symbols, sign, spaces - 3
Omissions - 3
Spelling Errors - 0
Choice of Words - 4
Factual Errors - 0
Choice of words and overall consistency of those words - 2
An eye for detail - Many ideas have been repeatedly expressed and thus, not a lot of attention has been given to details.
Page layout and overall presentation - Not applicable here
Additional Comments (if any) - Many ideas were repeated or were distributed over different sentences which was confusing. Lot of changes to sentence structure and syntax were made. Vocabulary used was fine but could be enhanced further.
Time taken to correct words - 20 minutes
Time taken to prepare this evaluation report - 15 minutes
PROFILE PHOTO
| Profile Photo Quality - The pixel size asked originally was 250 x 250. The pixel size of this photo, however, was 519 x 672 pixels. Therefore, it is necessary to keep the original requirements in consideration while submitting the photo. Furthermore, however, since the photo wasn’t uploaded on the website of the receivers it is hard to draw a comparison between the edited photo and the submitted one. Even still, it can be presumed that editing photos to fit their requirements would have been a cause of inconvenience for the receivers. |
