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ASSIGNMENT 1 (REVISED) Shubhangi

Version 1- Draft Version  Brief Profile  Shubhangi Gupta from Delhi pursued a diploma course in Spanish from St. Stephens College, Delhi and currently learning the same from Cervantes Institute, New Delhi where she scored highest marks in each of her batches. She is fascinated and has interest in Spanish culture which motivated her to pursue this language. She previously interned in a corporate company and now, wishes to see herself as a translator or an interpreter and hence chose to join Modlingua as a management intern, which will open numerous opportunities for her in the future in the corporate world.    Career Goals   I always had a variety of interests from sports to computers but learning a language was never in my books. Throughout my high school years, I have participated in various competitions related to sports, but it was always a hobby of mine. But the thing I have always wanted to do was to work in an MNC. During class 11th and 12th I opted for commerce because I was always interested in knowing how a company works, its management and I did considerably good and after finishing my 12th, | pursued my Bachelor's in Commerce from Delhi University. After graduation, I wanted to pursue Post Graduation and for that I gave lots of entrances also but I didn't get any good response, so I decided to give it another try but in the meantime I wanted to do something new and different and after a lot of consideration, I chose to learn a new language and that decision turned out to be the best decision of my life because I got so interested in it that I chose it as my future career. And, currently, I am also pursuing my Post Graduation because I still am interested in knowing things related to management along with the language learning.    Version 2- Corrected Version 

Brief Profile                                                                                       

Comments/Types of errors  where she scored the highest marks                                                             

Omission  Career Goals  entrances also, however, I didn't get any good response                 

Use of transitional phrase  give it another try, moreover, in the meantime                                

Use of transitional phrase  Evaluation  Errors related to articles      0                         

Errors related to punctuation, symbols, signs, spaces  0

Omissions  1

Spelling errors   0

Choice of words 2

Factual errors           0

Choice of words and overall consistency of those words 0

An eye for details Good eye for detail 

Page layout and overall presentation   Good 

Profile Photo Quality      No errors 

Additional comments if any Improvement in the sentence structure was done

Time taken to correct 302 words 20 Minutes 

Time taken to prepare this evaluation report 20 Minutes   

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Assignment 1 Neetu Sinha

ERROR ANALYSIS RUBRIC FOR SUMMER INTERNS OF MODLINGUA 2018
Error analysis in Testimonial of various students for School of language:
 
Text 01 Version 1 - Draft version
In my opinion, there is no better place to learn how to communicate with others in the field of business other than in XYZ, University. The communications department has inculcated in me the knowledge about the proper usage1 of English language while2 I join an organization in future. And3 it has also prepared and built confidence in me to handle interviews and group discussions which I feel requires much attention which4 is lacking in any ordinary individual. With the help of the department I am now more aware5 and had further6 honed my skills for the future purpose of my work life. The success of the department is backed by the strong faculty in it who work responsibly not for the sake of the university goals and objectives but for7 the sake of their purpose, and for that reason it is not simply a lecture. It is individual attention even to the last person sitting in the back.  And that I feel defines proper education for all and not just for a handful few.
Text 01 Version 2 – Corrected version
In my opinion, there is no better place to learn how to communicate with others in the field of business other than in XYZ University. The communications department has inculcated in me the knowledge about proper usage of English language when I join an organization in future. It has also prepared and built confidence in me to handle interviews and group discussions which I feel requires much attention that is lacking in an ordinary individual. With the help of the department I am now aware and have further honed my skills for future purposes of my work life. The success of the department is backed by the strong faculty in it who work responsibly not for the sake of the university goals and objectives but for the sake of fulfilling their purpose of imparting practical knowledge. Faculty is driven towards giving individual attention even to the last person sitting at the back of the classroom. And that, I feel defines proper education for all.

 


Text 02 Version 1 - Draft version
8It is no doubt that communication plays a vital role in human life. Communication plays one of the major 9role during our graduation. In XYZ University, we learnt why communication skills are necessary in a corporate world. We learnt about professional culture and how it shapes our future.
We learnt10 not only theoretically but practically also11 through different activities like Mock Interviews, Group Discussions, Role play, Extempore, Debate 12& JAM etc. that enhanced our verbal and non verbal skills and developed self confidence. We have many clubs in our university where we can learn a lot, one among them is Literary Club, where we learn and explore to the best of our potential.
Text 02 Version 2 – Corrected version
Communication plays one of the major roles during our undergraduate program. In XYZ Universities, we have learned why communication skills are necessary in a corporate world. We learnt about professional culture and how it shapes our future.
We have learned not only theoretically but also practically through different activities like Mock Interviews, Group Discussions, Role play, Extempore, Debate and JAM etc. that enhanced our verbal and non verbal skills and developed self confidence. We have many clubs in our university where we can learn a lot, one among them is Literary Club, where we learn and explore to the best of our potential


Text 03 Version 1 - Draft version

13My name is XYZ, 24 doing handsomely well in my little life. I am a 18proud alumnus XYZ Business School (XYZ), esteemed wing of XYZ University and hold a coveted Masters Degree 14In Management. During the course of 2 years, 15I read and got inspired from the quintessential role, language and communication plays in any business. It was a great honour for me to be coached under the visionary mentorship of erudite faculties of XYZ School of Language and Communication who extended their whole hearted support to make me learn and realize the dynamics of the related subjects in this regard.
Text 03 Version 2 – Corrected version
I am a proud alumnus of XYZ Business School (XYZ), esteemed wing of XYZ University and hold a coveted Masters Degree in Management. During the course of 2 years, I studied and understood the vital role that language and communication plays in any business. It was an honour for me to be coached under the visionary mentorship of erudite faculties of XYZ School of Language and Communication who extended their whole hearted support to make me learn and realize the dynamics of the related subjects in this regard.

 

Text 04 Version 1 - Draft version
 Extensive public speaking sessions, wholesome debates, regular on screen presentation, dummy case studies were the course’s few highlights which enabled me to derive reasonable and unequivocal understanding of the subject’s core values. Moreover the whole course was designed from a versatile perspective, inculcating a vast opportunities 16for the learner to grow, nurture and get accustomed in disparate ethnographies.
Text 04 Version 2 – Corrected version
Extensive public speaking sessions, wholesome debates, regular on screen presentation, dummy case studies were the course’s few highlights which enabled me to derive reasonable and unequivocal understanding of the subject’s core values. Moreover the whole course was designed from a versatile perspective, inculcating a vast opportunities for the learner to grow and   get accustomed with today’s diversity.


Text 05 Version 1 - Draft version

This has greatly helped me in motivating my view17 points to our invaluable clients, hence offering them with key deliverables over mail and telephonic support .It also spawned a great affinity to a poly cultural ecosystem prevailing within the very premises of my work domain.My success story owe a fair share of its triumph to the worthwhile learning, and experiences, I had within the classroom sessions, effective coaching and an equally humble & unwavering support from all my teachers cum mentors at XYZ School of Language and Communication.
Text 05 Version 2 – Corrected version
This has greatly motivated me to express my view points to our invaluable clients, hence offering them with key deliverables over mail and telephonic support .It also spawned a great affinity to a poly cultural ecosystem prevailing within the very premises of my work domain. My success story owes a fair share of its triumph to the worthwhile learning, and experiences, I had within the classroom sessions, effective coaching and an equally humble & unwavering support from all my teachers cum mentors at XYZ School of Language and Communication.
Type of error in the text and comment:
  • A. Improvement in syntax or sentence structure: 7, 11, 15, 16 & 17(Check the choice of words Red part does not give clarity, hence improvement in the syntax done
  • Improvement in Tense: 6 & 10
  • Use of Capital Letter of figure: 12 &14
  • Grammatical error:
  1. Use of preposition : 18
  2.  Correction in  Relative Pronoun: 2 & 4
  • Omission:
  1. Omission of Sentence: 13 &8
  2. Added “S” : 9
  3. Deleted “the” : 1
  4. Deleted “And” : 3
  5. Deleted “more” : 5

 
Error Analysis

Total Number of Source Text: 1063
Total Number of Target Text: 1228
Errors related to articles 0
Errors related to punctuation, symbols, signs, spaces 2
0
Omissions 6
Spelling or grammatical errors 3
Choice of Sentence 5
Factual errors -
Choice of words 1
An eye for details Lacked attention for details.
Page layout and overall presentation Missing
Profile Photo Quality Not applicable here.
Additional comments if any Should be more precise.
Time taken to correc t:  30 Minutes
Time taken to prepare this evaluation report:  2hour15 Minutes

 
 
 

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